


Archerizing This Christmas

by DestinyFreeReally



Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 10:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8976229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinyFreeReally/pseuds/DestinyFreeReally
Summary: Even Archers can feel a Christmas whim every ten or so years.





	

 “Archer, you  _ really _ didn’t have to...I know holidays aren’t really...your thing.” For their first Christmas together Archer had thrown her own Fiacci’s in a ‘thanks for shopping’ plastic bag and taped it to a bottle of champagne. Which he then drank himself. Lana called a time-out on holiday presents after that. But there was a little silver giftbag on her desk with a little Santa hat sticker, ‘from Archer.’   
  
    “Lana, I know you’re thinking about that time I re-gifted you-”   
  
    “You gifted me something that was already mine, shit ass. That’s not re-gifting, that’s not gifting at all.’   
  
    “ _ Whatever _ , this time I found all you guys the greatest thing ever.” Archer leaned in Lana’s office doorframe.   
  
    “Wait… all of us? Even  _ Cyril _ ?” Lana didn’t try to hide her disbelief. Maybe it was a teeny tiny little bag of knockout gas.   
  
    “Will you  _ just  _ open it.” Arms crossed over his chest, Archer watched her handle the small package with a delicate touch. He couldn’t pull back his smirk.   
  
    “Hey, thanks, Mr. Archer! How’d you know what I wanted!” Pam called from the hallway, gummy smile chomping on… were those gummy worms?   
  
    Lana pulled another bag out of the giftbag.   
  
    “Do you  _ get it _ ? Lana… do you get it?” She had her fake pout fixed on her face for 3..2..1..and  _ smile  _ broke through.   
  
   “Yeah, like eat-”   
  
    “Eat a bag of dicks, exactly, Lana, Duh. Only they’re like candy and delicious.” Archer pulled a bag from his back pocket.   
  
    “Yeah, nice.” Lana eyed the bag of gummy, edible dicks. Well, at least it wasn’t knock out gas. Or something she already owned. “Merry Christmas, shitbrain.”   
  
    “Hey, Lana, eat a dick,” He threw a gummy dick at her, bouncing it off her shoulder on to the floor. “So do ants celebrate Christmas or..”


End file.
